Archive for Meditations

Israel…

I have a Father, and He is the highest king of the land.  I also have a big brother, in line to reign and receive the inheritance of the entire Kingdom when my Father chooses to pass it on.  It is his birthright, and I love my brother like any sibling should.  However, as time went on, my big brother went astray.  He kept leaving our kingdom to mingle with the lesser, wicked kings.  He began to scorn our Father and his birthright inheritance…and began to show that clearly if he should reign, it would not be responsibly.  He would bring ruin to the Kingdom and its people.  In a way he had turned from the family name and disowned us.  How I watched my Father’s heart break!  His firstborn child, His pride and joy, the one to carry on His reign…throwing away his inheritance.  But there was a flicker of hope in my Father’s eyes yet.  When my brother refused to come home, my Father came to me.  Putting a ring on my finger, He told me that now the inheritance had passed on to me.  He even slaughtered a pure white lamb to seal the covenant with blood.  Of course I melted in complete gratitude and amazement, for it is something that never should have come to me.  An honor that was never really meant to be mine.  At the same time, my heart still ached for my brother to come home, to be restored to the glory of our family name.  It hurt me to see him being so low when he had royalty in his veins.  But this I knew, because my Father told me…He hasn’t given up on my big brother, and knows with all his heart that soon he will come home.  Though he may return in shame, we will run to him and put a ring on his finger and he will be restored to our family, our name, and our beautiful inheritance that was meant to be his all along.  However, the great thing is…because of this covenant, I get to keep the ring on my finger as well.  What has been given to me because of his fall will not be taken from me, but instead we shall walk into our inheritance together.  There will be a great party when he returns, with great glory and light and celebration, when he finally decides to arise and shine…when his light comes.  And through this I have learned that my Father is a merciful and just king…He does what is right and keeps His covenants, but is also full of grace.  Should I fall, I know that there is a ring waiting for me as well when I return…

Delight

Isaiah 42   Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights…

Hey God…it looks like we have some things in common!  My soul delights in that Servant too, I love Him lots.  And though I know He chose me first…He is my chosen as well.  I’ve chosen to live my life with Him…and that makes me happy.  Him, in whom my soul delights. Our souls.  Mmmm.  Our soul.

Sincerely, Tab

Control or Trust?

So lately I’ve felt a little…destroyed…broken down.  But one of those “in a good way” sorts.  Once you think you’ve finally really got life down and you’re going to tell everybody else how to do it…He reveals what you really still have inside.

Ever since last Sunday in brokenness I have been seeing things still amiss in me, and today I read something that gave it what I hope is the final blow, though I’m sure there is more to come.  Every few days another thing is revealed to me.  A lack of hearing God, and so a lack of acting on His word.  An unhealthy need for control.  A lack of trust (I guess those kind of go together).  Then today my dear ESV study Bible, mixed with Isaiah, mixed with the Holy Spirit completely owned my face off.  It was in Isaiah when they are talking about bad alliances made with people Israel should not have trusted in if they were leaning on the all-powerful God, and the question is posed “should the potter be regarded as the clay?”  Should the creation think they have better ideas or bigger problems than the Creator?  Then in the study notes it has this little tidbit that hurt my heart

“Rather than demonstrate a forthright openness inspired by trust in God, the leaders of Judah are reduced to the secrecy of underhanded human politics. For them, the sovereign God might as well not exist.

Owwww!  It reminds me of a quote my dad always tells me, “Worry is a mild case of atheism.”

Ugh, but its so true.  If I truly believe that He is there, He is Sovereign, He is powerful, and He is LOVE…I would trust completely.  AAAAAAAaaaaaah….

Lord have mercy on me and let me get over petty fears so I can trust completely, because I believe in You and Your sovereignty.

You Make All Things Work Together For…

Hmmm.

Lately I’ve been feeling that I’ve got it all wrong. That everything is a lot less about me than I thought.  That I have centered my so called praise around myself somehow. And that God was worthy before I was born or the earth was created.  Here’s what’s messing with me:

One of my favorite songs is Never Fails that I first heard from Jesus Culture.  It is a beautiful picture of His love, and I think it is a great song to bring you closer to Him since He is love.  However, I have always felt a little weird singing “You make all things work together for my good” in the middle of a worship service.  Just a little twinge I guess, but it makes me happy at the same time.  Now I think I have discovered why.  I was reading in my Bible, and I know this is probably just the difference in translation and maybe neither are wrong, but my Bible says this in the scripture they derived that line from:

Romans 8:28  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.

Notice that the word “my” is completely absent, and His Purpose is completely present.  I think that comma makes a big difference, because I think it is a lot less Him working things together for our good…than Him working through us for His good.  To bear fruit.  But I mean, I guess if we truly love Him, that is the only good we would desire anyways.  In the study notes of my Bible it adds this: “God weaves everything together for good for his children.  The “good” in this context does not refer to earthly comfort but conformity to Christ, closer fellowship with God, bearing good fruit for the kingdom, and final glorification.”

Oops.  I think I have been worshiping what He has and will do for me instead of who He is.  As I’ve been singing our modern worship songs lately (don’t get me wrong, I love them, really I do) I’ve been realizing that something is often missing, because…God would be worthy even if He never made me.  Even if He never saved me.  Even if He never sacrificed one thing for me.  He is still so glorious, so powerful, so awesome…that He would still be worthy of all praise.  He is still beyond comparison and so high above all else…sheesh.  It’s a whole lot more about His kingdom coming than my comfort.

Fan Into Flame; A Challenge

It’s Wednesday morning, about 9:30 AM. Ten people and a God are in a circle, passionately hanging out.  The people are singing their hearts out to the God at the center of the circle; at the center of their hearts.  But suddenly one of them stops to think about their words…and receives what feels like a loving punch in the gut.

“Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for your name.”

As I  sang those words at the top of my lungs, I realized that I didn’t even really know what I was saying.  So, being overly-analytical…or maybe just desiring honesty…I began to think hard about that phrase.

What does it mean to have a passion for His name?  I think if we did, a lot of things would have to change.  I would have to fall so much more in love with His name.

My first thought was “Well! I’m doing good, I never take His name in vain!”  But of course I immediately thought of times where I have cried out “OH LORD” when I wasn’t praying…just stressed or sarcastic.  Ouch.

Then came the real gut puncher.

Well Tab, how do you talk about people?  People who bug you, who stumble and fall and irritate you, people you’re jealous of, people who don’t do things how you like them to be done…people called by HIS NAME.

Song of Solomon 8:6…set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm.  Seals, signets…they are big Bible words for me.  How does a King seal things?  With their sign, their name, their royalty.

A passion for His name would NEVER think to defame His name.  That’s just ridiculous.  Working against itself.  Slandering His people called and sealed by His name and loved by Him would destroy a passion for His name.  They cannot coexist.

Am I doing everything in my power to make His name known as purely beautiful and strong and accurate as possible?  Am I respecting Him?  Am I truly filled with awestruck wonder at the mention of His name?  Like Moses, do I pray toward His name being known positively in the nations?  Do I praise and uplift everything sealed by His name?  It’s like a brand I am obsessively faithful to…am I a diehard Jesus fan so that anything that is the Jesus brand, I can spill positive words about? Uggggh it’s so…I don’t know, overwhelming?  How does one get there?!  I once saw hope for myself.  Hear one story of a Tab that had it for a moment…sounds ridiculous, legalistic…but in the truth, I think it’s the only time I had my head screwed on right…or my heart screwed in right.

Once upon a time I was at a girls hang out night.  I had just been reading in my Bible about not defaming God’s name, but being jealous for it and loving it.  I came downstairs to find my friends playing Guitar Hero 3, which I had not yet been exposed to.  In shock I saw the character on the screen rocking out to a song about sex, flashing more skin than clothing.  And you know what made it sick?  Sure that is to be expected of the world…but right in the midst of the most impure part of the character’s outfit hung a cross.  The symbol of my Jesus being reduced to nothing more than a sex symbol, not being held in holiness.  How will the world feel He is something to honor and respect, how will He get the honor He literally almost begs for in the Old Testament, if that is how He is represented?  That night I left the house, walked to my van and sat in the driveway crying.  That moment was a passion for His name.  Now why can’t I have that all the time?  I want that back so when I sing, my words have meaning behind them.  So I don’t maliciously speak of those called by His name, so I revere it above all.  Oh God…help…

Life and Death: A Matter of Jealousy

Today I read about Korah’s rebellion in Numbers.  It begins with quite an amazing statement:

“You have gone too far! For all in the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them.  Why then do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the Lord?”

This is the sons of Korah speaking to Moses and Aaron.  My first thought was that this is the “all-encompassing” world view that I have encountered in my life, the one that calls so many things holy and acceptable that nothing really is.  However, as I read more, I decided that it really boils down to jealousy.  It was not enough to them that they were chosen to minister before the temple; they wanted to be in leadership; they wanted a title; they wanted to be buddy buddies with the Most High.  They were offended by another’s holiness instead of being inspired to repentance.  They did not trust God’s heart, that it had their best in mind…they thought He was holding out on them.  And for this jealousy they suffered being swallowed by the earth.  Bad news.  Jealousy as a matter of death.

In the same scene, I realized that I was seeing another sort of jealousy.  This jealousy was a matter of life.

When Moses is speaking to Korah and the others that have come against him, he warns them that their battle is actually against God.  As he warns them, he brings up the true root of the problem. “But if the LORD creates something new, and the ground opens its mouth and swallows them up with all that belongs to them, and they go down alive into Sheol, then you shall know that these men have despised the LORD.”  In their jealousy and lack of trust, they have despised God.  Now we know that God spoke to Moses as with a friend.  Their relationship ran deep, it was truly remarkable.  One of the first accounts I can think of that shows friendship with God.  And, if there was truly a friendship there…then to have people despising his friend must have hurt Moses.  Here we see someone being jealous for God.  Many times we hear about God’s heart being jealous over man, but it is a beautiful thing when a man is jealous back for God; for His reputation (which Moses was constantly guarding); for His love…making sure He got what He deserves. Yes, truly, this jealousy could be what saved Moses many times when God got exasperated with the Israeli nation. Jealousy as a matter of life.

Intriguing…

Jesus, I’m Your #1 Fan!

I read something today, and it struck me a little different than it has before.

Numbers 14:11   And the LORD said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me?  And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them?”

At first glance, this looks completely ridiculous.  OF COURSE they believe in Him…He lives among them…they literally see Him in a flame or a cloud.  It just doesn’t seem possible to me that they could not believe in His existence.  But the Bible cannot lie.

Then I thought of that phrase a little different.  Perhaps they literally did not believe in Him…but…  Well, let’s make it personal.  This is right after the spies go into the Promised Land and bring back a report of how impossible the situation is.  There is no way they can overcome this on their own might.  They have to trust in God, and so they are faced with the question “Is this too big for Him? Because we know it is for us!”  Suddenly I was taken back to a moment in my life…when I was facing something that felt impossible to overcome.  My giants were overwhelming, and I was far too small.  So many people tried to comfort me in many ways.  But you know what the one text message is that I remember?  My dear friend Nicole telling me “You go girl, Jesus and I are on the sidelines, cheering you on all the way!”  She told me she was my cheerleader.  She believed in me!  My heart was aching for someone to see the strength in me and say with confidence that I would overcome and they were cheering me on.  I am not in any way saying that God is insecure and needs someone to point out His strength…but I believe, as we are made in His image, He wants us to recognize the Beauty that He is.  There was a great feat before God, demanding a complete supernatural miracle.  The Israelites likely knew that He existed, but maybe He just wanted them to recognize the fact that He is strong…so strong…and that hands down there is something in Him that can overcome the situation.  Maybe He just wanted them to be in love with Him enough to cheer Him on and say “Yay God! You can do this, and we are so excited to be a part of the victory!”

Lord I believe it, come and help my unbelief…

You Found Jesus Where?!

In one of the last places you’d think….

…that’s right….

………………Leviticus.

WHAT?!  Crazy, I know.  And I could be way off.  But check out this sentence in the middle of the laws and offerings and sacrifices and feasts and white hairs and festering itching diseases and bodily discharges and uncovering of…anyways, check it out…

For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life.

Is it just me…or does that sound like its Jesus talking?  Sure, its probably talking about the process of animal sacrifice, but…I just can’t help but think that it is prophetic for what was yet to come.  I would expect to find that in Isaiah or Ezekiel or Daniel…but not here….

Cool…

Such love…

If you begin to think about it deeply…hearing all the things they did to the animals that sound so cruel and painful and rather disgusting…then realize that parts of it could be foreshadowing Jesus, and imagine those things happening to Him…for you….definitely gives the shivers…

Holy Jealousy?

I have so many thoughts in my head its overwhelming.  I just wish the real good ones would stick with me throughout the day when I leave this place…the Jesus place.  Maybe that ‘s something He can impart to me.  Anywho….

I’ve been reading in the beginning of the Old Testament.  Somehow…I’m really enjoying the stories I used to get annoyed at because I’d heard them a thousand times over.  Little things are popping out in them…and little things are popping out in me.  Like this: jealousy.  Extreme.  I can’t tell if its good or bad, but I am so jealous.

I want to be like Moses.  No, I don’t particularly want the responsibility of a whiney multitude on my hands.  But I am jealous of Moses.  Here’s my thoughts.

Exodus 3:3-4

And Moses said, “I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.” When the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.”

How many times does He put something in our path, just waiting for us to ‘turn aside?’  How many times is He trying to get my attention …and I just pass by?  Just keep on with my normal life, and miss an opportunity to hear Him speak?  I beg for Him to speak to me, I have even begged Him to say my name.  But what if there are things that He’s put out there; opportunities slapping me in the face…and in my complete obliviousness I have not turned aside.  Just walked by God for the sake of normal life?

And what are the rewards of Moses’ actions?  He turns aside…He hears God’s voice and obeys, though reluctantly. What do we find later?  In chapter 19 we see the glory of the LORD descending on Mount Sinai…and all the people stand far off while Moses comes near to God.  Again in chapter 24 God speaks and says to Moses, “Come up to the LORD, you and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel, and worship from afar.  Moses alone shall come near to the LORD, but the others shall not come near, and the people shall not come up with him.”  Moses goes up and is in the glory of the LORD for forty days.  That is a long time to dwell in “devouring fire.”  He sees the back of God and lives.  That’s crazy!

In chapter 3 he turned aside from his normal life to see the wonder…and never again is part of the “normal.”  When all the normal people remain far off he gets to come near.   He has a new normal.

I WANT IT!

I’ve been challenged to turn aside.  I didn’t yesterday.  I tried today.  We’ll see.

I was singing “Obsession” yesterday and this cry was birthed in my heart:

Take me to that inner, secret, holy place where I meet You.

God…change my normal, teach me to choose to turn aside and hear You and obey so that my normal will be encountering and being near the God of all glory.

A Title Worth Pursuing

Do you ever read things in the Bible…random little phrases…that stick out to you like crazy?!  Its like they punch you in the face and say “THIS SHOULD BE YOU!”  Either that or it just awakens something in you that makes you long for something you’ve found.  And in a simple little phrase.  Crazy how that happens.

1 Corinthians 4:1   This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.

Did anyone else catch that?  What in the world is a steward of the mysteries of God.…and can I be one?

I know that I want it.  But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that I have no idea what it really means.  It sounds epic…and it speaks of closeness.  In another version it says “those entrusted with the secret things of God.”  No doubt intimacy is required to know His secrets.  But at the same time it makes me nervous, because it is not just “keepers of the mysteries.”  It is “stewards.”  In the parable of the stewards, the one that buries what he is given is thrown out, right?  But the one who bears fruit is given more.  So how do you properly steward the mysteries of God?  How do you cause them to bear fruit?  But then the other translation calls them secrets…how do secrets bear fruit?  Usually if you are trusted with secrets, then you are expected not to tell.  But does that apply here?  Because the steward who kept it to himself was destroyed.  SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

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